BIG OIL IS NOT OUR FRIEND!

Damn. Tonight we attended one of the many functions on offer this week to mark the sad departure of Big Oil .
- Healthy eating went out the bloody window.. Quartz Reef bubbles on offer and sublime finger food from Nikau... And a very interesting and entertaining guest list.

The mussel blinis and iddy bidy lamb koftas were really outstanding..


Its a tough job being a B grade blogger attending these A list Wellington parties.

We huffed and puffed up Plimmer steps for penance.. Bloody near killed us.

HEALTHY BEER CLAIMS A CROCK.

Dam this is not such good news in the Australian. We had been thinking of switching to low carb beer as a treat here and there. However it looks like Low carb beers are a crock.

The problem, Dr Miller said, was that while the beers had lower carbohydrate levels they delivered almost the same energy load to the body as full strength beer.

Low-carb beers contain around 1.5 grams of carbohydrate per 100ml - about half that found in full strength beer.

But when it comes to overall kilojoules of energy delivered to the body, low carb is not far short of full strength beer.

Low-carb beers pack about 130 kilojoules of energy per 100ml while full strength beer can range from 150 - 170 kilojoules.

"There is little, if any, difference in either the amount of alcohol or the total energy content of traditional and low carb beers," Dr Miller said.

Beers with a lower alcohol content, mid or low strength beers, deliver about 100 to 120 kilojoules in energy to the body - below the level of a low carb beer.

Dr Miller said European authorities had recently moved to stop health-related claims from being used in the marketing of alcoholic drinks, and the Australian government should do the same.

Bummer - back to soda water

VANITY - ALL IS VANITY

We have a common menopausal problem. Hair on face. Not normally noticeable because we keep an eye on it and a pair of good tweezers handy. Only problem is - as well get older our eyesight gets worse then suddenly we wake up and, fuck we are staring at the bearded lady. So in an emergency we resort to face napalm. It's a cream which goes by many names, Nair, Veet, but at the end of the day it a chemical that fritzes mutant hairs like a blow torch on corn stubble.
Its vicious.

Last night we were ready for a top billing in the freak circus so we applied a layer of the foul smelling and oddly named beauty cream.

We left it on for about 8 mins.. Then we wiped it off - or we thought we did. This morning we woke up to a face that looked like it had seen a thousand suns. We were weeping but not from our eyes but from some newly created holes in our chin. I fact our eyes were all puffy as well and have got worse as the day goes on.
We looked like Viktor Yushchenko and we did wonder if someone had poisoned us. Was it those with interests in Scampi? Ngai Tahu perhaps? Or Winston? Or maybe Paul Watson?

Who knows ... but its bad. We may hide for a couple of days.. Not that we are worried what we look like or anything - nah - it purely to let it heal... Really.

SUCCESS!

We lost half a kilo...!!!!

And we did it during a week when we had a guts ache, ate a Bambinos Mince pie from Carterton, turned water in to wine at the "Feathers" and got the munchies and made toast at midnite one day.

However - we are walking way more, we worked like a dog in 30 deg in the garden for an hour, mowed lawns with a hand mower on Saturday and on Sunday we turned the river into a aqua jogging lane. We thought the aqua jogging was especially inspired and in the heat it was a great way to get fit and stay cool at the same time. We have also changed our route to work so we walk up the hill to the Terrace.

We ache a little but we feel better.

Today was very odd though - we had a yogurt (lite)for brekkie, sushi for lunch from Blowfish on the Terrace and nibbled on cherry tomatoes throughout the day. If you felt a small tremor in Lambton Quay later this afternoon - it wasn't an earthquake.... By 5pm we were vibrating with hunger.

We had a couple of pieces of burgen toast and then a portion of steamed hapuka when we got home There is an obvious need to build in some complex carbs in our diet in the middle of the day. Sushi Rice doesn't cut it.

However, week one is over.. and we are just a little bit lighter and just a little bit fitter..

We have our feet on the bottom rung of the ladder and we aint scared of heights.

SHAME

Damn - we fell off the wagon today. We know only sorrow.

It started at lunch. We sat down and a good fairy that looked suspiciously like Cactus sat on on left shoulder yelling..

" Don't, don't don't! Silly fucking cow - don't!"

But it was Dockside. The sun shone down heating up our desire. We started with Soda. We were winning..

The Cactus Fairy, relieved, smiled at our strength of will .

Then some Big Bastard in a Kia Kaha teeshirt rolled out the bloody Champers.

We succumbed to one small glass . True - no lies. It was Arcadia and it assaulted our palate with flat despairing notes of ordinariness.

The Cactus Fairy mocked mercilessly at our lack of willpower and laughed at our misfortune.

Then we channelled the image of the last wanker she bonked more than once despite knowing deep down he was a complete tosser - and she fell strangely silent.

We looked at the menu and there was only one option for us. Mussels in a tomato concasse.

We glanced furtively at our left shoulder and the Cactus Fairy looked dubious.

Out came the little bivalves - plump pudenda on our plate , dressed in a flounce of green shells Veiled in saucy red.

They were soo good.

Soon though, the call of duty rang loud.

We left our friends and walked brusquely along the waterfront to rid ourselves of the calorific vile methode champagne shit.

We toiled the rest of the afternoon for John Key...

Then - late in the day, we had an incoming electronic missive, an old friend was in town.

To a bar of old betting men in their shiny arsed suits we went.

We ordered a soda - again, we laughed and talked and laughed some more - time slipped by like a sneaky thief and then we looked down and recoiled in horror and shame - we had in our nail bitten paw a - wine glass.

Shocked, we were - stunned. The Cactus Fairy, the heartless bitch, laughed maniacally. We drank two more.

Then we left and slunk along Customhouse Quay and we were sure we heard the mocking tones of Mark Unsworth from the Balcony at D4, had the Cactus fairy given up our guilty secret?

We stopped at the lights, tears pooled on the footpath at Lambton Quay, Up the lift and thru the James Cook we went , Bob Jones portholes hiding our pain from the rich , beautiful and famous.

Out on the Terrace we spied a place called Mad Liquor. It lifted our spirits, was it a place that sold dirty girls for dykes?

No it was but a simple off licence - full of all the bad things like , booze, cigarettes, junk food and coffee. We scuttled by.

Home we are now... bereft. Drinking water, insipid warm town water, washing our sins away... going to bed without our supper for penance.

So today we failed - we were bad... We promise we wont do it again ... promise.

HUMP DAY

Wednesday is hump day - the hump in the middle of the week. Its over. today was easy.. Not sure why - probably because the gut muscles are a wee bit torn.

Today we dined out. St Johns and had a lovely Caesar salad with just a hint of dressing. there was waay too much chicken on it so we left half of it on the plate.

And we walked back from lunch and felt very virtuous...

When we think about slacking we just think of trudging up the muttonbird island hill - which talks 15 minutes. Its like walking up a steep flight of stairs in lead boots that are sticky with treacle. The track is black peaty mud.

So we have to get fit enough to ensure that that 15 minute hike doesn't kill us.

DAY TWO

Well Cactus is probably right, writing about food is not a good idea when you are battling its seductive charms. But thats the thing .

Weka, skin off would be a good red meat, yip its not white like chook. And trout, like all fish is a dieters friend.

And we think that portion control and exercise is the way to go.
In the last month we have had a big think about the things we do wrong. First is the size of the meals we eat. We can consumme enough to feed a African village for a month in a sitting.

And we are addicted to junk food - chips and since the demon menopause sat on our shoulder - we can do a block of white chocolate - which seems to us to be solidified condensed milk, with ease.

So our house will be a chip and chocolate free zone for a while.

And what may come as a suprise to many - no alcohol. Not for the first three months anyway.
We dont drink alone nor at home unless someone else is there - However we like to drink with restauarant food.

In fact we dont like to just drink - we like to eat and drink. We hate drinking without food. So gone is the drink. We also know enough of the restauranteurs around the place who will cook what we want so we will still lunch here and there.

We did that quite sucessfully the last time we lost 20kgs.

So yesterday on day one we consumed - some soup and some dry toast. that was all our tender little tum could handle.

Today we started with some porridge to put some lining back on our gut and we will sip chooky soup for the rest of the day.


But Cactus is wrong , Food controls us - has done for quite some time - we want to take back that control so running and hiding from it is the wrong way to go. We have to work on developing a healthy relationship with food and learn to enjoy exercise a bit more. We are pretty sure thats the key.